ADVERTISE AT SCRAMBLED EGGHEADS

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Howdy.  Mah name is Egglaw.  Get fancy or go thataway.

Now this part of the site, Greg enjoys, because it is pure nonsense.

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EGG FANCIES and other "ridiculae"

(a compilation of oddball, strange, contrived and invented egg fancies)

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1. The average egg is oval when viewed from the side and round when viewed from the top or bottom.
2. The shape of the egg was designed early in evolutionary history in order to accommodate a process later known as laying.
3. Laying eggs is a way of expression for hens and actors.
4. Hens start laying eggs when they do, otherwise they don't.
5. As the hen ages, it gets older.
6. The average hen lays so many eggs per year.
7. A healthy hen lays approximately one egg at a time.
8. The mighty egg will crush if squeezed sufficiently.
9. The question as to which came first, the egg or the carton is this:  the carton, that's why eggs fit so well.
10. The question as to which came first, the carton or the hen is this:  the hen, of course, who do you think designed the carton?
11. Egg white is not discriminatory; it is just white.
12. Prehistoric eggs are very old, and therefore flatter than newer eggs; some of which are actually petrified, assuming fear is not a factor.
13. Petrified eggs are not afraid; they are solid rock.
14. A rock-shaped egg is not a rock.
15. An egg-shaped rock is not an egg.
16. According to Existentialism, which provides that if something is called something, it becomes one, anything that is larger than what we refer to as an egg, does not necessarily mean it is an egg.  It could be something else, but much larger.
17. Calling an egg an egg does deliver the conclusion that the object being observed is, in truth, an egg.
18. Two eggs placed close together and left in the dark for a weekend, does not necessarily produce an egg in the next week or so.  It could be longer.... much longer.
19. The name "egg" comes from a shortening of the word eggdrop, where the portion of the word, "drop" is dropped, rendering the remaining portion of the word, egg, the word; derived from a Chinese proverbial dish of the same name offered around the time of English gentlemen in Hong Kong, which was a long, long time ago.
20. Early man used eggs as weapons against each other; men over 30 refrain from such conduct unless the day is Wednesday, and the time of night is after 11pm.
21. Eggs are normally eaten.
22. Scrambled eggs can be found at and in fine diners everywhere.  
23. Boiled eggs are those that have been immersed in hot water much like humans in a hot tub, only smaller.
24. Eggs are brain food for the stomach.
25. Playing with eggs brings peace to those who do.
26. Eggs were invented to replace dinosaurs.
27. Eggs are a safe food to handle because of the lack of sharp edges.
28. Eggs are reputed to be star food sent via cosmic dust in the Milky Way (not to be confused by the candy bar of the same name).
29. Eggs are excellent menu accompaniments to omelets and Benedictine breakfasts.
30. There is no comparison between an egg and something else.
31. Eggs do not contain vitamin C unless squeezed in Florida.
32. Do not eat black eggs.
33. The Roadkill Diet, a popular current way of losing weight, encourages flattening of eggs with off-road tires as opposed to the all-weather variety.
34. Halloween is a holiday characterized by eggs splayed in a manner that prevents windshield wipers from working.
35. Consuming 2 or more eggs fried on an engine hood (bonnet) is called desert and is often served after breakfast before the temperature goes over 120 degrees F.
36. Overcooked fried eggs are often applied as frisbees in 3rd-world countries.
37. Cow eggs are not eaten in India.
38. Crow eggs are annoying and noisy.
39. Eggs are known as the silent food until much later.
40. Eggs are commonly eaten without their shells.
41. Raw eggs are not cooked.
42. To have the perfect meal, consume 1 egg and 1 orange.
43. Pungent flatulence is often the result of too-few eggs and too-many beers.
44. White eggs have superiority complexes.
45. Black eggs have attitude.
46. Red eggs should be served with sacred burial grounds.
47. Yellow eggs should be oriented west -to-east.
48. Inner-city eggs should be dusted off before cooking.
49. Suburban eggs should be sufficiently drugged before cooking.
50. Rural eggs should be nursed in goat's milk then baled before cooking.
51. Eggs served to executives should be thoroughly explained by those whose futures depend upon understanding.
52. The basic egg is fundamental.
53. Mixing eggs together produces a miasma of delights often burned and scorched by those who profess to know what they are doing.
54. Mixing brown and white eggs produces half & half, a popular dairy product.
55. Juggling raw eggs rapidly cook slowly.
56. As opposed to the Earth, eggs are not round.
57. When an egg is served in outer space, gravity is a good idea.
58. Egg is often applied to the face in embarrassing situations.
59. Cosmetically, an egg is messy and undesirable unless baked.
60. It is not recommended to broil an egg.
61. Sunny-side-up eggs are brighter than those served once-over-easy.
62. A common tool associated with the common egg is the common spatula in Greece.
63. Eggs should not be cooked in Greece unless Italy is not available.
64. Mediterranean eggs are cooked in Greece.
65. Russian eggs are not cooked.
66. Famous jeweled eggs produced by a leading French designer were accidentally boiled by the Czarina and served to the Czar.  He was subsequently placed into a large safe and kept under guard.
67. Jeweled eggs should not be boiled, but can be served on a bed of caviar.
68. Double-yolk eggs should be served together.
69. Eggdrop soup should not be served at an altitude of more than 1 foot.
70. An Eggmeister, in Germany, is a person who meists eggs.
71. An Eggmonger is a person who mongs eggs.
72. Three eggs are better than one-and-one-half eggs.
73. Most menus assume a large egg is used.  This may confuse those who have menus requiring more than 1 egg.
74. Eggless omelets are the rage in the veggie world.
75. Squeezing chickens does not produce more eggs, but it does produce longer ones.
76. Remember to wait at the right exit orifice of the hen, otherwise you may get what's left after processing.
77. A laying chicken should not be taped and marketed on the internet.
78. To answer which came first, the hen or the rooster, use your common sense.
79. Egg-shaped is a common description of anything that looks like an egg, particularly an egg.
80. Eggs are egg-shaped.
81. The rounding of eggs is illegal in Illinois.
82. The rounding of eggs is frowned upon in New Jersey.
83. The rounding of eggs in Texas is required.
84. The pointy end of an egg points upward in Australia.
85. Either end of an egg, regardless of shape, is pointless in the United States.
86. There is no pointy end of an egg in Poland.
87. No one knows what an egg is in California.
88. A spun egg does not stop spinning when spun at the North Pole.
89. An egg does not spin at all at the South Pole.
90. Frozen eggs explode with an impact equal to or exceeding the force of an overly microwaved egg.
91. Eggs are not understood in Ireland.
92. Eggs were worshipped in Atlantis.
93. Plato was reputed to be an egg worshipper, when in reality, he was an egg war shipper, as recently discovered documents suggest.  To date, wars over eggs were not suspected in this enlightened society.
94. Marco Polo brought long, stringy eggs back from the East, and when combined with semolina, produced generations of pasta dishes and fireworks in Italy.
95. Eggs are still worshipped in the Breakfast Society of Brooklyn, New York.
96. Philadelphia still remains the world's most-incredible Breakfast City because of the eggs laid at each election.
97. Naked eggs are not permitted in music videos.
98. In 1979, a radical medical research paper linked truck stop waitresses with smoking and serving eggs.  After stomping out this rumor, this syndrome was recently discovered in a large truck stop in Minnesota and a woman named Marge.
99. An egg is an end in itself.
100. A recent report suggests that consuming 3 to 4 eggs a day not only causes a sulphur-like gas in diners at diners, but that it can be captured and distributed by truckers across our ribbon of highways to extreme portions of our country.  Some call it an epidemic that could call for a ban on truckers..... not eggs, of course.  That would be un-American. 
101. A spinning egg may cause dizziness.
102. The word egg is reputed to have evolved from the word eg, a South Sea word meaning "e with only one g."  After the arrival of the white man, in his great ships of sail, an additional "g" was added, so they could tell the difference in the two meanings.
103. A rotten egg should not be eaten.  It should be thrown out of the discussion.
104. The traditional wooden egg applied at Russian Easter was abandoned by 20th century Russians when they found the wooden shards, that traditionally stuck to their teeth, could be avoided by using real eggs.
105. Russians, applying the idea of using real eggs, found that after a year or so, the work of art was of no further use, and the smell became overwhelming.
106. Italian scientists have struggled with the concept of the cubic egg as a means of improving packaging and storage.  It is considered an advantage to have an egg that does not roll and can be stacked.
107. Use of an egg as a sexual instrument is discouraged, unless the egg is broken and the contents applied separately.
108. 10,000 raw eggs can be used as a means of stabilizing U.S. Navy destroyers in heavy seas.
109. 10,001 raw eggs cannot be used as a means of stabilizing U.S. Navy destroyers in heavy seas.
110. 10,002 raw eggs don't fit in a U.S. Navy destroyer in any seas.
111. Eggs are rounder at the equator.
112. Australian eggs are upside down unless taken to London, where they are right side up.  Australians themselves, on the other hand, do not follow this phenomenal phenomenon.
113. Australian eggs spin backwards in Australia.
114. Eggs cannot be fried in space; it is too cold.
115. Children should be protected against eggs in the raw.
116. People should not eat eggs in the nude.  They embarrass easily. 
117. A recent finding suggests that computerized eggs are lower in cholesterol.
118. It takes smaller eggs to accomplish the same task as fewer large ones.
119. Big eggs are not often considered complimentary; two eggs are.
120. Contrary to popular opinion, broken eggs are not found in their shells.
121. Egg shells can support the weight of a small car when flat; egg shells can support the weight of a large car when flatter.
122. Holding an egg in one hand and wishing with the other can improve the results.
123. In order to avoid eggs shells in an omelet, remove the shell first.
124. Cooking an egg improves its flavor.
125. Raw eggs are good for your state of mind.

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© 2005, Gregory St. John Taylor, all rights reserved